Desi Tahiraj fled oppression in Albania to forge a new life with more opportunity for herself and her family, yet life continued to challenge her determination to achieve success. Through her perseverance, she has written books and created programs to inspire entrepreneurs and motivated business people to never give up in pursuit of their own dreams.
Desi Tahiraj is a Human Resources expert, Coach and international speaker driven to support others in creating the life of their dreams. By drawing on her personal experience and informed by her extensive learning of human potential and optimization, she supports driven individuals who are striving for success so they can realize their goals while remaining healthy and engaged in their communities.
In this episode we discuss:
Desi is the author of three books, “Fail & Get Up & Never Give UP: The Power of Transformation”, “Burnout – What’s Next?: Solutions for High-Performer Burnout”, and her upcoming book of prose, “Our Human Race”. She is also the host of the podcast, ‘Blogging for Authors’ https://open.spotify.com/show/0n1unQAYghZSsTdNIIYroi
Desi's Website: https://desitahiraj.com/
I'm so happy you're with us this week for this terrific conversation with Desi. Taki writes an expert in areas of resilience, growth, business and personal development, and has a marvelous story in what has led her to this place to support businesses, teams, and individuals in her various ways. Thanks for joining us, I know you're gonna go on a lot, I know you're going to get a lot out of this conversation.
Living in a stressful world doesn't mean you have to give up on happiness. Instead, you can shift your perspective of stress and discover how to live your life in flow. Welcome to have the FIDE. I'm your host, Susi Vine. Join me for inspiration and interviews with folks who are shining their light in the world in the areas of positive mindset, health and wellness. I'm so happy to have you here. Welcome back. I am so very happy to have you join me today for my conversation with Desi Tyra, Desi is the founder and CEO of Desi Tahira consulting incorporated speaker and an author, we'll get into a conversation about her books. And I know this is just the beginning of her library, and the contributor to women empowerment Wednesday, Desi helps the organization in a holistic way by providing human resources and employee training, coaching team building mentoring, creating many online programs for burnout executives and high performance culture. and much more. She has written so far three books the first fail and get up and never give up the power of transformation, her second book burnout, what's next, which could be another avenue of conversation for us today, or perhaps another episode entirely. And her upcoming book is poetry called our human race. So we'll have more to watch for coming out from Desi. And this year ahead. Thank you so much for joining me today. I'm so happy to have you with me.
Thank you for having me today. And it's my honor to share with our audience, the tips and tools that can take us in the next century and next generations to come.
Beautiful. And I love that you you start already by referring to you know how we can support moving forward in our future generations. And you yourself have quite a story, I'd love to hear a little bit about how have you come to be in this place with this kind of influence and support for organizations, for teams. And for the high achieving professionals that you support?
Well, it's like a building blocks. Right? You depend on what environment you grew up. And for me, I grew up in communism time of rush, totalitarianism, that builds resilience on many in a very young age, and, and the thirst for freedom, because they don't let us to go to school. They don't let us to marry, they don't get us to get the job. So when the life sources are not there, so what is your passion, freedom. So in that case, in Asia 2013, I was the first girl to go to fight for the first election in the country. And then the people see my passion to help everybody since young age. And that is why I bring the resilience in place. So I was attorney of the city for four years at age 24. In that case, that's why we need to build this kind of blacks for future generations to come that that their resilience and when they fail, get up and never give up that is in my book is another failure is the teaching you the muscles of resilience. That what I call the building blocks.
Absolutely. And so you were really I mean, I I would imagine at the age of 24 you probably did not feel like a very young person. But I it seems like you were very driven from an early age to create change and just start to resolve these issues that you grew up under the influence of with communism and those other aspects.
Yes, exactly. Today days because under Coronavirus under these, also companies and institutions, they need resilience leaders, right? Because in a life or in time of change you need people to have because many people feel like victims, right? when things change or anything change for me. Since five years old, I was compassion, because I feel so much pain on people, they don't have bread to eat, they take it from my hand, we don't have shows, we don't have nothing. So people die, he is 27 years in jail because you say you lost like olive oil, right? So in such a kind, you of course, you'll feel the pain of others. And from perhaps my parents, I build that my mom is very compassionate person. So I build that compassion for people to heal people's pain. And that is what I did when I was lawyer. After communism finish I finished law school. That's what I did at Columbia University for 17 years as a human resource as the faculty of fair emigration. And that's what I'm doing now as a consultant and to heal one that souls and to build that open mindset, which is mass for future generations.
Absolutely. And, and you've touched on the topic of resilience, and there is certainly so much going on right now that we can feel overwhelmed by and it can be hard to come back to that. So what are some ways in which you help people who may be struggling to have this resilience to find it or to build it?
Well, I work in personal basics, it's not cure one for everyone. It's not one formula. That's why I learned six different kinds of coaching methodologies, including Columbia University leading organizational change is extremely important how I go to inside the find, what is the fire in that person? What is missing in the puzzle, how to be humble, hungry, and to get discipline. And I build the blocks, so that person is going to them inner strength, not to the weaknesses, weaknesses, we understand that the coaches, right, and blind blind spots they do have, but I tap to the strengths of the person. And that's what I bring, to get out and to take off from the changes, we put it ourselves in light, it's a matter of mindset. Mostly,
I find that so empowering, because I've discovered through a mentor that I've been working with, and once you become aware of it, then you notice how prevalent it is that we seem to be taught to focus on what we need to build up or repair our weaknesses, we're focused on what we need to do better. And as opposed to recognizing those areas in which we naturally, you know, we have more flow, we shine in these areas, we have these strengths. And so I love that you, you were just illustrating the importance of that. I think that's very empowering. I think people will give themselves more credit and ability when we recognize how gifted we can be.
Yes, exactly. And I'm sorry, because people in these days, yes, it's extremely important. Because to understand the human behavior, that's human resource people that I use, I am all my rights, working with people in different kinds of levels. And to understand the human behavior or when we have dispute with someone else, and when you have a fraction with the people or not long this way, but this way or this way, I don't like this or to be strong that because different personality traits, they express them feeling differently. So a friend of mine, Richard messing here write a book is extremely important that he says that you must know yourself first. But to know yourself you understand you need to understand human nature. And to understand human nature you need to learn and that is where I talk to the people to learn. That guide is teachable in everything. So since I break out from the that To close mindset I was that I am this and this only now, I break the walls. And today, I do podcasts, I do vertical blogs, I do, what to call books, I books, I do webinars, I go to make speeches, I do every single thing in the world, why I break out this kind of setting in a box we put ourselves in, we can do anything. If we allow ourselves to do it. We can be compassionate to everybody. Because we will think first before we speak, and then put yourself to the other people's shoes. If you want to be treated that way, then you adjust yourself in.
I think that's so important. I think that we again, perhaps because of that tradition or pattern of looking at where our weaknesses are or feeling that, you know, we may be a failure in this, we need to, you know, that's not for us, right, our potential to learn and overcome to break through these walls is limitless, if we just stop putting these limits in our own way. Thank you for that. I think that's very powerful. I'm glad that you, you spoke to that. And I'd love to know, to what kind of skills do you think come together, in addition to learning what else is crucial to, to helping people reach the success that they're looking for in their lives? Or in their business?
Oh, I love that question is to be a lifelong learner. We go to school, right? And we are eager to go to college, because we want to find a good job, right, and we find that good job. And we are satisfied for some time, and then we get bored. Right? And then, and then we stuck in that field. And if you get out of the job, you are like a fish with no water. So in that case, we get to educate new generation with a multi not just multicultural education, but also multi dimensional skills.
multi dimensional skill
organizations today, and companies are looking for young generation, for workers for mentors, like you and me. And like a consultant like me, to have a multi dimensional knowledge. And to be that you need to be long live learner, every time you learn a new concept, you accelerate that with what you already know. And then open new windows in your brain what we say when we learn new language, new window open in our brain. So you open that file, whenever you need, then you isolate your business or you put in a job whenever you work in a group settings and your analytics, analytical skills become more tangible. Why? Because I compare contrast, I make educated decisions because I because I have such a diverse knowledge in different kinds of fields. What I do, I go to my computer, which is my brain and I take the file in a time that I need that in. And of course the education the main part teach you discipline, which Medley we need to teach new generation because from your goal to the achievement is the discipline the bridge that takes you so how we build discipline and no procrastination forever to play games, the new generation all over the place, right? So we got to build that muscle in early age and to make it fun educational system, not something that I am afraid to go to class room, right. It's extremely important to accelerate new methodologies that we have enhanced today. And also, when you are educated and long life learner, you have the level of wisdom is much more higher. So you have organic growth and your authenticity is extremely important in collaboration with others in group settings and bring great satisfaction. In the end, I am in this age, and I am learning every single day something new. That young. It does absolutely.
And it's exhilarating when we have these new discoveries, these things that we learn, and it inspire solutions and something that may seem completely unrelated, the cumulative benefit of continuing to learn and expand our understanding, even in areas that seem unrelated. It helps us synthesize information and come up with powerful solutions. I love
Yeah. And to cut to the point, that to be in that level of awareness that we are aiming to gain to all our employees, organizations, business owners, and everybody is if you don't have mind, body and spirit connection, to have that synchronicity, that the flow because where the energy goes, Yeah, attention goes energy flows, right? So it's extremely important. I see many faces in, in online meetings, and many faces are like this tired, and this and why I'm here. But the thing is, you really get to work within yourself first. Because that kind of mentality is fight and flight mode, one. Second, you feel like a victim. And third, you don't build the relation good relationship with others. So in that case, to come to the point that when I am from, so say, I am home together, and I aim to understand her in the full meaning, where she come from, that is the building blocks of awareness to not get to the point when you burn out or you have clashes in your organization's
Yes, absolutely. And, and like I mentioned, this could be a whole other episode. But the levels of burnout right now we're just watching them rise and rise. And so I'm so grateful for your perspective on this another guest on my show, Dr. Sharon Grossman works with other high high level executives and helping them recognize that that you might not need a complete change. And she also really enforces the the importance of learning to check in with yourself to understand how you're doing. And so do you do you also see that this, you know, perhaps coming back to those, the building blocks of resilience could be a way to help us resolve this burnout situation? Or if there's even a brief answer to this? What are your
hobbies? salutely? Yes, because why so many companies fail over and they built one business like failed, another one failed, another one failed? Or people married and they're getting married? Are you married? Are you married? What's that? That is pattered. Huh? Yeah. And so this book, failed. burnout, what's next there to do? And if you go through that, there are steps that teaches you to not go there. So to come with, everything starts with me. Because what I see start with me,
yes, our perception is everything.
Everything. So start with where you are, with what you have. And from where you are. Because an open heart and open mind. When we have open heart and open mind, people come close to you. If you are in fight or flight mode every single day because we gotta do this, this, this this. We are in that circle. And in the end of the day, we don't have time to pick up the glass to drink water. Why? Because first of all, we need to bring the level of awareness. My level of awareness is not where it is today. It was way below because mostly woman, we don't have time to educate ourselves because we have kids to take care. We have jobs to take care of this ticket. We haven't Time to educate ourselves have some men have less than us in such a rush? They have different kinds. But yeah so in that case for us need to be updated all the time and to ask her three four times a day yourself where I am and what I am doing is this important or I can delegate we have had time to delegate right? I know and and to say no and we don't have time to say no, because different type of personality traits we have in human souls when we hire somebody we need to find with Mayor Briggs and these were traits of personalities and a type of personality like you and me perhaps we tend to do too much yes and then come to the point when his breaking point mm hmm so to not go there we need to put tools in a place dedicate ourselves to have a mentor because you cannot change a habit or mindset in that matter without mentor because you don't know what you don't know
yes that perspective is very hard to get for yourself yeah to be able to see and and to keep coming back to changing those habits as you said you know, there's so much that we begin to have autopilot that is
and the change that you need let's say you don't want to eat sugar one day, you don't need to eat sugar 30 days depends on your age. So it's a habit you need to repetition and discipline on that what matter that's why you need to coach
Yes, yes to keep us on track and I love that you call attention to to that three times a day, maybe once an hour, sometimes we have to set reminders to get started to check in to see how we are operating are we present are we only focusing on what is within our control and not giving away our energy to everything that's outside of our control. There's a lot of frustration that lives right out there
a lot a lot. And also because the media is 24 seven today. And there is a lot of fake news going on. Universities and higher education here in my area are educating all of us to check with fairly authentics resources that the see that what you are seeing is true or not. And then the set a time to not spend all your time in social media. And to set the time not all emails because when you receive email is someone else agenda. It's not yours. It was very hard for me to learn that muscle. Because when I see emails coming in, on ISIS, I can't respond. Yeah, you cannot respond all of the emails out there is someone else's agenda, what is in your agenda? That is first
I think that's an important thing for people to cue into because because we do and that stress response you know comes from these notifications, the new email we feel like we have to drop what we're in the middle of and respond to that immediately. We're always answering these these triggers and if we give ourselves permission to to draw some boundaries, and say I'm working on this right now I will check my email at this time and for this amount of time, right and instead of being always at the beck and call of everything that's coming in putting more value to other people's priorities than our own.
Exactly. And that's why you see I put in my phone from 1030 to 630 in the morning, no notification because you're gonna draw the line. Otherwise you because the business now is you can work from home, right? So work from home and leaving home that life and work integration is together. It's not anymore to balance like it was before. Balance work like different depends on what lifestyle depends on what kind of job do you have, that is going to come handy for you. That how you're going to say boundaries minutes from six o'clock in the morning or Nine o'clock in the morning at six o'clock in the evening, then you have time for your family. I was working 14 hours a day. Thank you very much and time to brush my teeth. So that's not a good idea. And of course you get thrown out. Or of course you are, we are tired. Of course, we are good. So what I do, I set up alarm to go 10 o'clock to sleep. Five o'clock 530 I get up 530 because I want to write books. Yeah, until eight o'clock, everybody's quiet. No media, no nothing. I have creativity kicking in the morning. Because your brain is fresh. You sleep at night, and your creativity. You we know that problem in the morning until 11 o'clock in the morning is your creativity time. After that life tech you whatever it is out there, right business and people requests and everything else going on. So to realize what we are a morning person or night owl is extremely important. How you integrate in your business or in your day to day life.
deeply important. Absolutely. And I love that you're being very, very transparent and sharing that with all of your experience and perspective and wisdom you even find yourself sometimes falling into these habits of making yourself more available than you need to trying to answer the calls of everyone who is is trying to get into your your schedule your radar, and and recognizing where your own strengths are that your prime creative time is in the morning. And defending that because we do our boundaries, our priorities are very important. No one else is going to defend them for us.
Exactly. So if we don't do it, it's going to do right. It's it's a mass, it's a mass, because your son or my son is going to call me mom, I need this or the labor or this or that. So we need to see where we are, what is important. And of course I use because I am success principle trainer from Canfield methodology. So I claim leaders I train employees in such I use the rule of five for my businesses, and for my projects, five things every single day until you finish. So you gain the discipline muscle that you need, when you put it in calendar, five things every day, any project you have in your head is going to be done. And from my perspective, I think we not me, I am I am all the time in touch with my tribe. Because to make your wife, your wife, with your tribe, and to synchronize, because we all are blogs to our time, we are all dogs to our community. So how you present yourself, how you get to your community is extremely important, especially for business small business owners.
Yes, very much so that that level of connection. And that's a bit of a fine line too. Because as as business owners building our business and reaching out the people who can benefit from our services, you know, there's this expectation of being available of being transparent of letting people into your life right to know, like and trust factor. And so how do you how do you help people find the balance? They're in staying engaged, but also maintaining their boundaries and productivity?
Well, first you need to come to realize and to sit back and to write down is like mind mapping with says that, or Yeah, it is. And you put it everything in and you see what I do is I put the muscle later and delegate because I cannot wait all right. And what I do for my volunteer work because I volunteer my time for many organizations, which I love. I helped St. Jude Children's Hospital, I help International Association of women in leadership program, I help Bergen volunteers here in my county and I am a member of 40 Chambers of Commerce. I am Columbia University Toastmaster precedent. So how I do all of this, I do it by time management. When who is going to do what, where and how. So we need to Find out our why. And what? And how
can be okay with letting some things go away?
Yeah. Otherwise, we are not too good parents, then we are not good mothers or wives or whatever you are man to your wife. And we are not good for community when we work for nobody if we don't see and set up the boundaries.
Yes, very important. So, uh, one other question that I have for you in terms of accountability because as we put our systems in place, and we know you know, we start to we it really is a process of getting to know yourself, how you work best. But then to maintain those How do you build in or support accountability moving forward?
Oh, that is fantastic. Because without accountability, nothing can be done. And because we are tired, then we overcome it. And then we fell apart, and the I lost the class of saucy because too busy in something else, right? So first, we need to lead to build the muscles, and to lead by example. People don't learn what we say, people learn how we do things. Our children don't do what I say, Arthur, see what I do. So leading by example is first one, and then set up rules. You'll see IP lawyer for many years before 10 years. And no family, no organization, no city or country that method without rules cannot function. So there are some rules that need to be obeyed in agreement with all that is for the greater good, because this agreement, this rules, everybody got to obey, in order for us to revive to survive and to build new muscles for tomorrow future. What Moses did 1000s of 1000s years ago, he didn't tell fundaments Why? Because people got crazy. Without those rules, right organization cannot function. And I am my last thing is discipline. So I love to build that muscles to others.
You were born for this work.
I was born for that. And this is my job. My director was telling me that this is not everybody's like your you know, I know because I was a player. Right? And all organization, of course hire a players, right? If I built a big company, of course, I'm going to look to hire a players not be right. A players have discipline. And authentic. Leave, I don't mistake I says I mess up. Not to hide ourselves and to put the finger to someone else. Or to take advantage of somebody else or to be bullied to other people. Because every organization this kind of people diminish the culture.
Yes, very quickly,
very quickly. And until come to the leader, it's too late. That's why synchronism in between the Lord level manager and the leaders is extremely important. Everybody speaks same language. That is extremely important how and of course I use the success principles tools that I use in every single day of my business. And I teach that was the rule of five and check it down because large projects that three months, six months nine months, and I use in every single things in mastermind to build you see we got last week with executive committee meeting with Columbia Toastmasters and we develop difference. deji Why? Because we brainstorm more. In this mastermind to build something new, something that because sometime until today, this kind of process or precedent worked in the new business era, it does not anymore. So what we do with 18, hence, every organization today need to go there, go back and see what works and what is not. So in that case, we you invent, and you create, and I love, of course, I work with the scientists for 17 years at Columbia University, I love creation, I love to be bringing something brand new, that can accelerate the business to the next level.
Yes, absolutely. And what you're really lighting up in my mind right now is this, this difference that people have, and perhaps they think, you know, we're one way or the other, I think that people can develop, if it doesn't come naturally to them, to have a growth mindset. So many people think the way it is, is the way it is, it's been answered, the box has been filled, I don't want to revisit this. But when we are open to change, and change can be difficult for a lot of people. But when we're open to that, that's when the magic happens. That's when the you know, the growth that brings us forward, the opportunities become available. So that's a great story of, of a very, you know, kind of a standard or traditional model, your Toastmasters group reenvisioning, you know, looking for a different way to move forward, because times have changed. So, institutions, teams, corporations who feel they solved, that problem they don't need to change could very easily be left behind, couldn't they?
Oh, yes. Because in change is difficult. And people don't like to change is so difficult. The thing is, there are few questions that you need to answer you ask yourself, why should I change? What I lose, if I don't change? And how I do that, who is going to help me? That is critical. Because if you don't want to change you're gonna left behind. The river is moving doesn't stay in one place, right? So you got them, you got to go to?
Yes, and I love that third aspect who's going to help me change, this isn't something that we must resolve on our own, we can call in resources, we can learn from the path and experience of others to ease our own way.
Absolutely, yes, you cannot make all the all the mistakes in life, right? You have a shortcut to someone like you or me to this book that they can buy in Amazon. So it's a shortcut for them to not go there. I don't want anybody to go where I was, right? I was burnout executive so badly, I almost die. So I don't want anybody to go there is painful for you, your family, your tribe, your community, your employees, is bad for everybody. Don't be selfish to not change.
Change is good. Change is good. And and that's such a powerful point that you make to, in my experience, people who, you know, I talk about what I do, and what I make available in my coaching and my programs, and they say, oh, everyone has stress, everyone needs help with that. But they're not ready for it themselves, in many cases, because they feel like it isn't bad enough yet. Right? The way that I look at it is they think it's not broken enough yet, they don't need to put in the time and the effort to change it to fix it. They're going to wait until the system is really truly left them burned out in a health crisis, and then look for solutions. And at that point, it's so far down the line, it's so difficult to turn that around. So my analogy is, you know, we want to work upstream, when change is easier when smaller changes have a much greater impact, and can give us that course correction to lead us to a completely different place with more success with more ease, rather than working the hard way until we're forced to make a change because we've resisted until that last opportunity.
Yeah, and that then is going to take you more time, more energy, more resources, and it's going to be long journey. People believe that these destination I finished the school or the business and this is it now. It's a journey.
Absolutely. Health and as well.
Health relationship, the vacation, community, work, everything, everything. If you don't synchronize all Have them not just one, because I see people that are rich, but their relationship is crazy bad. Right? Or they are healthy. But they have no money. So this kind of discrepancy is something is missing in the puzzle that we need to tackle, and then fixable change.
Absolutely, absolutely. So I want to make sure everyone got that, that your career, your family, your health is not a destination, we have to release that picture of once we solve it, we don't have to worry about it. and embrace that it's a journey, and that it's going to change and shift and that it is integrated. These lanes all come together and intertwine. And that's how we can find balance.
Yes, and I love us a book for the middle school I was reading for my son is one musician from Utah, about Yeah, he played cello. And in his story, metaphoric, of course, he has, you know, the racks from the from the sea, sea racks. And he collect all of them in the Bay of the ocean. And then he take the ones which are polished, which are and to polish that minis we, as a people, we are first what we say Ben a brutal, and, and good, bad and ugly, right? So when we are brutal, we need to polish and polish. And that's why we have leaders in high caliber. We have middle managers and we have employees, because they went through that process of polishing themselves will have the tools that they need to be a better leaders, better managers better husband better anything or businesswoman like you and me.
Yes, I think that's a very helpful visual that we are all in different stages of development. Yes. And that we can learn a lot from the people who are a bit ahead of us on the path. Be that through mentors, through coaches, through people that we can find who have refined the tools. So that as we were saying we don't have to do it the hard way. We don't have to solve it all on our own. We can find solutions.
Yes. And the tools, your friends better than you
to level up.
Yes, because they help you to to consolidate your skills. My father when I was nine, he says to me, he has no son, my son, he says, choose your friends carefully and better than yourself. And that's what I think
it's a good lesson to receive early. Jessie, before we're out of time, please tell us about your podcast. I'd love for people to be able to go check that out if they'd love to continue the conversation with you.
Oh, yeah. Because I'm so passionate to help everybody to not to be high achiever, what I call all of us, that we get out of that box we are in. And it's called failed, get up and never give up from based on my first book to remember. And that is after because I've been writing passionately. And it's extremely helpful. Because people get motivation, get inspiration, get tools that they need to be a better leaders, and better human.
Terrific. We all need that kind of inspiration and more tools for our our tool kit. So we'll definitely have a link to your podcast in the show notes. People can check that out, and like and subscribe and leave a glowing review for Jesse's show so more people could continue to find it. And is there anything else you'd like to share with us before we go today?
Well, I have a gratitude and I'm thankful for sharing your time with me, and to help all our communities to be a better society better human, and better. future. Thank you very much.
Thank you. Thank you for being a visionary for holding the vision for the rest of us and showing us the way. It's always lovely to collaborate and to work with you Desi, it's been a pleasure. Thank you so much for joining me today.
Thank you very much. I love you
here. Thank you for tuning in today. Check out the show notes for any links we mentioned. To learn more about living life with less stress and more flow, visit happify live.com and if you found value in today's episode, make sure you subscribe to catch the next one. And leave a review to help fellow pub surfers fine epified until next time, keep on shining